


So, turns out Santa is screwed.

by EvangelineIIIMoscovia



Category: Assassination Classroom
Genre: Birthday, Christmas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-26
Updated: 2020-12-26
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:07:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28326534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EvangelineIIIMoscovia/pseuds/EvangelineIIIMoscovia
Summary: -Okay, I think he's asleep.-Are you kidding!? This guy can wake up just by hearing someone sneeze outside his house!-You brought me along just to dieaiaiaieeee!!!-This is not the time for the theatrics I needed you for!-Is someone there?-Shit!
Relationships: Akabane Karma & Asano Gakushuu, Akabane Karma/Asano Gakushuu
Comments: 2
Kudos: 51





	So, turns out Santa is screwed.

Ren thought it was unfair, sure Gakushuu could hang out with however he wanted, but seriously, why had Seo and Araki gone alongside Gakushuu on his weird dates with Satan and not him! He prided himself in being the love expert thank you very much.

He had had enough, he was going to confront Gakushuu today, he might come out with a broken arm but he'd already bought Christmas presents and was sure a new notebook could sooth his wrath.

-Yeah, I'll tell him, hey! Why are you leaving me aside of your dates huh?

No, too aggressive. 

-Why are you taking others on your dates and not me?

No, that sounds stupid. 

-I want to follow you guys on your dates too?

Yeah, that sounds right. 

-I have a better suggestion, just don't. 

-Heh, your right, too much trouble anywaeahhh!!!why are you behind me!! 

-Look, Ren, sorry to interrupt your attempt at a threesome with whomever is unlucky enough to attract your attention. 

The look Ren gave him was picture worthy.

-But I need you to help me out. 

-Okay...

-Yes or no? I don't have all day. 

Seems mister president felt extremely mean today.

-Yes, what do you need me to do? 

-Look, Karma's birthday is tomorrow, and it's the same day as Christmas right?

-Yes...

-So since he's been going out of his way to annoy me, I want payback. 

-Right... 

-I want to sneak into his house and leave his birthday presents as if I were Father Christmas. 

-... You do realize this is the single worst idea you've ever had right?

-I recorded you mumbling about following someone on their date-

-No need to say more I'm in!

And then people wonder why Main follows Asano Jr's lead. 

Ren pondered for a moment, this was a risky operation, Gakushuu was carefree since with boyfriend status he knew he would most likely come out unscathed, but Ren wasn't sure he'd escape with his bones intact. But then...

This WAS the perfect opportunity to join Gakushuu and Akabane on their date shenanigans, it was what he'd been asking for... 

-Hello, Shiota?

-Who are you calling?

-Yes this is the signal for operation Birthmas.

Well that's a shitty name for an operation if Ren had ever heard one. 

-Yes, we meet at twelve o'clock at the park. See you there. 

-Picking names isn't really your thing.

-I recorded you mumbling about following someone on their-

-Your wish is my command boss!

———————

-Alright, I've told you all I know about sneaking in, now it's up to your knowledge of Karma's sleeping schedules and... 

-My ability to look stupid. 

-I wasn't going to put it that way, but eh... 

-Ren, if you may, I'd prefer to call it, your dramatic theater skills. 

-... Of stupidity. 

-I recorded you mumbling about following-

-My theater skills! Yes! 

Nagisa had a nervous sweat in his hands. 

———————

-Alright, he's gone to bed, I'll pick the lock, Nagisa, you're on recon duty, Ren, don't fuck this up.

-Fuck you

-I recorded-

-Yes! I shall be diligent and...

-Shhhh!

Nagisa was beginning to feel his hands get way to slippery for comfort.

———————

Ren treaded carefully around Akabane's house, partially because it was a "stealth mission" and partially because he could already sense the bear-traps that were waiting to murder him down the hall way. He saw Nagisa giving the ok signal. Gakushuu placed the presents under the tree. 

Everything had gone smoothly, Ren heaved a sigh of relief. A way too loud sigh of relief that chocked him on air and sent him coughing down the hallway. 

Violet eyes turned to him, the murderous aura coming from their owner was currently scarier that the idea of bear-traps in the hall way. 

-I'm gonna fuck you over so bad your butt will be aching for the rest of you life! 

A sound came from Akabane's bedroom. 

The three froze in place. 

One minute, two minutes. 

-Okay, I think he's asleep.

-Are you kidding!? This guy can wake up just by hearing someone sneeze outside his house!

-You brought me along just to dieaiaiaieeee!!! 

-This is not the time for the theatrics I needed you for! 

-Is someone there?

-Shit!

The three made a run for it, Nagisa was the first one to make it. 

A maniacal cackle could be heard from the stairs. 

-Come here little burglars, Karma's about to kick your ass... 

What, the, fuck, was that pun!

-Ohhh, running away, remember, Karma always catches up with you...

The three slammed the door shut. Froze for a second, then ran for their lives. 

-God dammit Akabane, you're ruining the mood of my internal tragedy, how am I supposed to finish with a tragic ending if you keep saying these puns!

-I think his desperation to use these puns is already very tragic.

-So will your face be when Akabane refuses to let you name your child-

-I reco-

-Oh for fucks sake! 

They ducked into some bushes just in time for Akabane to slam open the door and scream at the darkness. 

-Sleep tight, don't let the bad puns bite!

-He truly is desperate. 

———————

Karma closed his front door and locked it tightly, how were some burglars able to break into his house without him noticing?

Unless...

He enters his living room, a small box caught his eye.  
Karma grabbed it with a pleased smile and opened it. 

A lovely red blanket with black kittens greeted him. A card that wrote, "Happy Birthmas!" was under the blanket.

-I'll never let Gakushuu name anything ever again. 

———————

To say that Ren was shaking was an understatement, the momen Akabane, THE pun master school delinquent Karma Akabane, showed up at his doorstep and took him for a walk to meet up with Gakushuu in a park, Ren was ready to shit himself.

-So, Santa visited me last night, but it turns out he ate too many cookies this year and got clumsy. What a glutton! 

-But I'm so great not even Santa's magic could save him from my wrath! 

Crap. 

-In fact, I'm so stoked, I even brought these tubes of Wasabi with me. 

I'm gonna die. 

-What an interesting story Karma, did you know, I have such prolific connections I even spoke with Father Christmas! 

I-is this... A flirting tactic!? A bragging tactic!? Both!? 

-He told me the best gift he wanted to give you, was a chance to free you from the shackles of madness, and liberate all your puns. 

Is this how these two flirt/brag/whatever!? 

-Well Santa made me so happy, I even want to repay him with the best gift anyone could be blessed with. Me! 

Asano, snorted. 

-Yeah, cause you're oh so brilliant-

"I'm gonna fuck you over so bad your butt will be aching for the rest of you life! " 

A shit eating grin spread across Akabane's face. 

-Would you mind explaining with whom you're cheating? 

-You know I don't cheat. 

-Yeah, but the school doesn't, and I have a recording. 

Satan hadn't possessed Akabane, Satan was Akabane. 

In a corner, Nagisa's hands sweated profusely. 

Akabane's grin grew even wider. 

-You know what they say, Karma's a bitch.

**Author's Note:**

> Nagisa is drenched in sweat.  
> Ren has been recorded. Ren seriously you had one job I love you but still.  
> Gakushuu is not allowed to name anything...
> 
> And Karma is trying so hard to be punny- okay Il die now.


End file.
